So here’s an update on the past month or so of being treated for Lyme.
***It’s not the most positive blog post that I’ve written. But it’s the truth.
I was really excited about feeling a lot better when I started the treatment at the end of January. However, I wasn’t ready for things to get worse before the got better.
I have read a lot of places that the bad days come more frequently than the good days. And I have found that to be very true. I started to feel, almost, worse once starting the Lyme protocol. So, we went back to my LLMD and we started a Babesia protocol of antibiotics. I just finished that 14 day treatment and am back on the Lyme protocol of antibiotics. I feel no different, and am not exactly happy at this point.
Sometimes my bad days are because I over did it on my good days, sometimes they are just bad days, and other days bad days are because of Herx reaction. Click here to find out what a Herx reaction if you do not know. Bad days are like having the flu, feeling like your arms and legs weigh 20 pounds each, having about 35-40% energy, and feeling so out of shape that walking up a flight of stairs is like running up hill for 5 miles. I’m not saying bad days are impossible, but they are pretty damn difficult.
Good days give me about 60-70% energy, my generalized body pain subsides enough for me to be able to ignore it, and walking up a flight up stairs just leaves my legs tired. Good days are a blessing and it’s even better when I get 2 or 3 of them in a row!
There is a little update on how I am feeling physically. Here begins the mental journey.
I often feel defeated and hopeless. I hate asking people for help, so most of the time, I take something on that I know I may not be able to complete, but it’s the mental thought of trying that makes me stronger. I try and stay positive and strong because showing weakness emotionally makes me feel like I’m giving into this disease. And let me tell you, there is absolutely NO WAY that I am going to lose. My determination to stay strong and win wavers sometimes, but isn’t everybody allowed a few of those helpless days?
Some days I am sad. I know that I don’t need a lot of friends, or that having a social life is the least of my worries right now, but I am also a senior in high school. I feel like I have been robbed of my life recently. Which totally, absolutely sucks. However, I know that there are a few people in my life that will be there always, and will always know how to make me smile, and for that I am forever grateful.
The past month has been a battle of trying to understand WHY ME, and WHY NOW. But, knowing that I am dealing with this instead of my best friend, or a little kid, or my big brother, makes understanding this whole thing a little easier.
Life sucks sometimes, but we need to pick each other up, learn to accept people as they are, whether that’s how the rest of their life is going to be or not. As people in a world of evil and hate, lets learn to accept love and to give love.
Every day that I find the energy and drive to get out of bed, put clothes on, put makeup on and eat breakfast, is one day closer to living a life without Lyme.
Someday, I want to live, not just survive.